What I Learned in 2014

Each December, as the new year approaches, I like to meditate on the lessons I’ve learned the previous 12 months. December’s cold and darkness make it conducive to this type of introspection.

There’ve been a few times this year, and more broadly throughout my life, when I’ve heard in my head a string of words that perfectly capture something I’ve been slowly realizing but have not — until that moment — been able to fully grasp. And, every time, when I’ve heard those words, I’ve recognized them as some ancient, universal truth.

This string of words phenomenon happened to me twice in 2014 and it ultimately led me to the most important lesson I learned.

The first time was in the aftermath of a break up with a man I loved and had thought — at least for a few months — that I would marry. Although it was obvious to both of us, by the end, that breaking up was the right thing to do, it left me gutted. One day, however, I was able to reach closure when the words “trust the timing” appeared in my head. I knew then that the break up had had to happen at the exact time it did in order for each of us to fulfill the purpose we were born to fulfill.

For me that purpose is to be a humanitarian journalist and so, after the break up, I threw myself into my purpose with more gusto than before.

In 2014, I took many steps to become a humanitarian journalist. I launched this website and kept it updated. I interviewed 50 people and produced articles that captured their stories. I wrote articles for work and just because. I spent six weeks writing this confessional essay and it took a lot of courage. I saved $6,000 for travel, to buy myself time to write. And I continued to hone my photography which I sense, somehow, to be an integral part of the puzzle.

Every one of the little things I did to fulfill my purpose this year was, to me, an act of bravery. But it was more than bravery. The little things were also tiny contracts I signed with myself and with the universe, day-after-day, confirming that I was committed.

Ever since I articulated what my purpose was, I’ve thought about that purpose in terms of when I would fulfill it, fixating on some distant date. I’ve held off on certain things in lieu of trying to fulfill my purpose. Other times, when I’ve wanted certain things but haven’t been able to get them, I’ve told myself that maybe those things were beyond my reach until that distant date arrived.

But one afternoon this fall, a string of words materialized: “you’ve arrived.”

This particular string floored me, and I wept and wept and wept. Because I realized that I didn’t have to call myself “an aspiring humanitarian journalist” any longer. Instead, I could say that I am one. I also understood that I didn’t have to live other parts of my life half-heartedly or believe that certain things were beyond my reach, contingent upon that distant date.

So this is the most important lesson I learned in 2014: Many of the things we want we already have. And many of the things we want to become we already are.

We may have just not realized it yet.